I have more than an ass, thank you.

Besides having the occasional 50 year old man with three kids messaging me, with hopes that the size of his wallet will allow my eyes to see past our 3% match, I have grown quite accustomed to the "normal" attempts at correspondence that nestle their way into my inbox. 

These attempts start with a form of flattery, always based on physical appearance. 

Examples would be: You are gorgeous, what are you doing on a site like this? You are too sexy to resist. Damn, you're hot, I really wish I had kept going to church. 

I have always thought that I would appreciate so many words of affirmation, but let me tell you, getting compliments from my gay guy friends that I just spent a weekend with meant far more to me than any of those opening lines from strange men stalking my online profile. I want someone to acknowledge ME first, not my eyes, or my ass. Yes, understand that physical attraction is a vital part of a relationship, but looks fade, and I want to know that my soul is ever more appealing than my body. 

Out of all the hay, I have managed to find a couple of needles in the stack. What I appreciate most about those needles? The willingness to get to know who I am as a person, and build a friendship. I have had absolutely amazing God conversations, and complete honesty about Portland and the spiritual stronghold Satan has on the city. I have also been able to compile a list of areas NOT to move to, the best breweries in town, and music venues to grace. I have somehow, on this crazy whirlwind of an experience, managed to formulate platonic relationships. That alone means the world to me. 

I have quickly jumped into relationships, or the hopes of one, based on solely the fact that the guy made me laugh, and that I was attracted to him. Through that, one of us has always ended up hurt. Convictions were compromised. And those butterflies that monopolized my stomach? In a pile, lifeless, and rotting. (morbid) The idea that any lasting romantic relationship I desire to have, will form without the basis of friendship, is absolute, and utter bullshit. I have far too a whimsical personality to be able to judge clearly whether a relationship is wise or not, without patience and quality time investing in that man. Perhaps, if there is a chance at a healthy relationship forming via a dating site, the time between me moving to Portland and now, is the opportunity that would need to be seized. Time to process and encourage each other, with distance, and maturity, and openness to the potential of the resurrection of a pile of squandered butterflies.