Au' revoir, Cupid. Hello, Reality.

I am going to start this blurb by informing you that this will be my last post. My last tell tale of my experiences on a dating website. Turn on some Timberlake, and cry me a river.

Though my virtual, single, and on the market self lasted only a short amount of time amidst the inhabitants of the online dating world, I learned a lot. Somehow, investing in the knowledge of men on the West Coast really forced myself to invest in the knowledge of Hali. What I was willing to settle on, what I wasn't willing to even waste a breath on, and what truly defines me.

You see, I tend to have issues that revolve around a split personality. A prevalent side of me was hoping to start talking to someone, and instantly know that they are the love of my life (I can thank the many hours spent watching The Bachelor for that one). Yet, an equally prevalent side of myself was hoping that I would meet a man, who would set aside the instinct to throw his whole heart out on the line, and embrace me slowly, as a friend. Can't I have the best of both worlds? I know that I NEED a guy, who is man enough to slow things down. To gently invade my heart. To take steps, baby steps, to knowing what makes me tick, all the while letting me know that he sees me as a potential mate. That his pursuit of my friendship is in hopes to pursue my heart. Patience, with verbal intent.

I can't say that I walked away with a beau, but from where I stand, I can't complain. I have rooted connections to a life I am about to embrace for the first time. I have a little circle of hope. I have the foundation to mold into a brand new city. And, I have friends, who could be by my side until my soul leaves this earth.

I took a leap of faith, and gained more than I started with. For that, I am thankful.

I have more than an ass, thank you.

Besides having the occasional 50 year old man with three kids messaging me, with hopes that the size of his wallet will allow my eyes to see past our 3% match, I have grown quite accustomed to the "normal" attempts at correspondence that nestle their way into my inbox. 

These attempts start with a form of flattery, always based on physical appearance. 

Examples would be: You are gorgeous, what are you doing on a site like this? You are too sexy to resist. Damn, you're hot, I really wish I had kept going to church. 

I have always thought that I would appreciate so many words of affirmation, but let me tell you, getting compliments from my gay guy friends that I just spent a weekend with meant far more to me than any of those opening lines from strange men stalking my online profile. I want someone to acknowledge ME first, not my eyes, or my ass. Yes, understand that physical attraction is a vital part of a relationship, but looks fade, and I want to know that my soul is ever more appealing than my body. 

Out of all the hay, I have managed to find a couple of needles in the stack. What I appreciate most about those needles? The willingness to get to know who I am as a person, and build a friendship. I have had absolutely amazing God conversations, and complete honesty about Portland and the spiritual stronghold Satan has on the city. I have also been able to compile a list of areas NOT to move to, the best breweries in town, and music venues to grace. I have somehow, on this crazy whirlwind of an experience, managed to formulate platonic relationships. That alone means the world to me. 

I have quickly jumped into relationships, or the hopes of one, based on solely the fact that the guy made me laugh, and that I was attracted to him. Through that, one of us has always ended up hurt. Convictions were compromised. And those butterflies that monopolized my stomach? In a pile, lifeless, and rotting. (morbid) The idea that any lasting romantic relationship I desire to have, will form without the basis of friendship, is absolute, and utter bullshit. I have far too a whimsical personality to be able to judge clearly whether a relationship is wise or not, without patience and quality time investing in that man. Perhaps, if there is a chance at a healthy relationship forming via a dating site, the time between me moving to Portland and now, is the opportunity that would need to be seized. Time to process and encourage each other, with distance, and maturity, and openness to the potential of the resurrection of a pile of squandered butterflies. 

Aaron, and his 0% chance.

As a rule of thumb, that I have applied in "real life" dating, and have now transferred over to "virtual" dating, I don't make the first move with men. Perhaps this is old fashioned. Maybe I am not wearing a T-shirt that says, I AM WOMAN - HEAR ME ROAR! I am okay with this. Now, don't get me wrong, I do have my beliefs that times have changed over the years, and that women have a tremendous amount of authority and leadership in the world. BUT, I still stand strong in my convictions that men are to be the leaders, and pursuers in a relationship.

With that being said, I absolutely, undoubtedly, and unequivocally refuse to message a match online, before he messages me. Now, at first I thought, "Well hey, my profile (laid out for you in my previous post) CLEARLY states that I am looking for a man of God. It blatantly says to message me if you are a son of the King of Kings, SO I will just sit back and wait for a few weeks until one of those comes along and decides to man up and introduce himself to me." 10 minutes rolls by and I have 7 messages in my inbox from men with a match percentage of 40% or less to me.

Some of the messages asked me why I am moving to Portland, though I explained that clearly in my profile. Some asked if I wanted to come over that night to rent movies, which meant that they wanted a booty call (and I do have a little extra boot to my booty), and that yet again, they didn't read my profile to see that I didn't even live there yet. One said that he was a Christian and loved the Lord, yet all of the "intimate" questions he answered said that he would have one night stands after the first date, and that he had to have sex before marrying the woman he was dating. One message even told me to "Move to fucking Austin with the rest of your hypocrite Christian brothers and sisters, and stop trying to save Portland.", which honestly confirmed to me that I really need to move to Portland. BUT, there was one message, that really topped them all.

Aaron.
His profile picture is of a handsome, athletic built man, wearing khaki shorts and a light blue polo. He is on a golf course, about to swing, and let me tell you... those arm muscles were rippling. Needless to say, at first glance, the man wasn't too shabby. I decided to open the message he sent me. The first thing I notice is that next to his picture, above the message body, it says that my Match % with Aaron is 0, and my Enemy % is 68. This is what Aaron felt like he needed to say to me:

Hey there, I was on here a while ago, and now I'm back. I saw your profile and couldn't pass you up. You are gorgeous. You should read my profile, and if you think we would get along, message me back : ) I think we could have lots of fun : ) I'm Aaron by the way!

We would get along? We could have fun? Now, I have people in my life that are literally the polar opposites of myself, but we know that dating would never work. But this is a DATING website. My curiosity was sky high. I had to read this guy's profile... and it was golden. Golden in the sense that, well... I will let you come to that conclusion on your own:

So I want to be as open and upfront as possible in what i'm looking for. I am definitely not looking to hurt anyone in this adventure. I'm just looking for a fun girl to hang out with and see where it goes. i'm not looking for love, or anything serious, I am attached but our sex life is pretty non existent. she knows I am looking outside of our relationship to satisfy that need, but she doesn't want to know anything about it. If that is a deal killer for you I totally get it. Honestly I just want to find a girl who is just as naughty as i am and wants to have fun. I love to fulfill fantasies and love to please. I am a nice guy, i'm a professional, and have a very sexual side. so if you are fun, and outgoing and think you can keep up, then we should definitely talk : ) Id love to make you my dirty little secret : ) I have lots more pics if you are interested, so don't be shy.

Aaron... Oh, Aaron. 
If there ever was a person, that was the Anti Hali, it was him. 
Either he completely didn't read my profile, and has a habit of copy/pasting the same message to any girl, with a halfway decent face in her profile picture. OR he genuinely thought that those rippling arm muscles would completely sway my desire for a man who is "walking in their true identity within Christ". IF not for that, then he completely didn't pick up on the seriousness of my Boyz II Men reference, which is equally as terrible as him not reading, or caring, that I am virgin, and am going to be one until I am married. 

With all of that mayhem laid out for you, I want you to hear this: never in my life have I been more sure that I am supposed to move to Portland. These messages from men, saying they are one thing, and answering questions stating the complete opposite, breaks my heart. Now, some of these guys are scums, who know exactly what they are doing, and that it is 100% ungodly. But there are some, that I honestly don't believe, know that there is so much more to a relationship with Christ than what they're being fed. I am not saying that I am the key to saving Portland. I am not saying that I am the most patient and loving person in the world, and that accepting these people with tenderness is just going to warm my heart. It is going to be rough. It is going to be absolutely miserable some days. But I am okay with that, because I know that I have the Rock of all Ages (not Dwayne Johnson) beneath my feet. And this same Rock, that will steady me through the trials and tribulations of moving out West, will be the same Rock that brings me my 100% match. Whether that's online, or in the cat food aisle of the local grocery store, I don't know, but I am excited to find out!

Hali, in a box.

Let me explain to you how this dating site works.

You obviously have a profile, where you can put into your own words, well, yourself. Along side this long (or short, depending on one's desire) bio, is a space where you are pretty much generalized: Ethnicity, Height, Religious beliefs, Income, Pets, Kids, etc. You are also allowed to upload 10 pictures of yourself. Three show up right away when someone takes a gander into your domain, so obviously those are going to be your most appealing, I took 100 selfies to get this one, shots.

Now, I was slightly unsure of how I wanted to fill out my profile. I didn't want it to say that I was in Nashville, because I was going to be moving to Portland, but I wasn't in Portland yet either. Instead of trying to narrow down myself, which a bio does naturally, I am going to share with you EXACTLY what my little space of interweb says about Hali LeVasseur:

MY SELF SUMMARY:
Hi, I am Hali!

Up front: I love the Lord. If you aren't a man of God, I am sorry, but we have come to the end of the road (Cue Boyz II Men). I am looking for someone who is walking in their true identity within Christ. That has a passion for loving and serving others. And who expects the same from me.

I should also state that I currently live in Nashville, Tennessee. I am moving to Portland in May of 2014. God has called me to the NW, and has only recently been opening doors to bring that plan into fruition. I am not entirely sure what is in store for me there, but it's going to be an adventure.... with that, somehow, if a connection is made on here, the time gap between now and my move will be opportune for getting to know someone. Patiently.

I am a free spirit, but am not afraid to stand my ground when I have a conviction.
I grew up a classical musician.
I firmly believe that sarcasm is a love language.
I have an eccentric sense of style, including a collection of prescription glasses.
I have Jimmy Fallon's initials tattooed on me.
I have a cat, I will always have a cat, no exceptions.
I have recently picked up a passion for hiking - though I am not very experienced.
I have gone sky diving twice.
I lived in China for a month and a half teaching English, and doing missions work.
I love sports.
If you have award worthy facial hair, I will be smitten.
I can't think of the word "smitten" without hearing, "Charlie Kelly here...."

I took a class on how to work with Oxen.
I want to experience everything outdoorsy - take me hiking, rafting, and rock climbing with you! I must learn!

WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE:

I currently manage a holistic chiropractic office, which entails a lot of PR work with multiple businesses, including the Players Association, and NFL Alumni Association. I am hoping to find a similar job out west. My heart is to uplift and encourage everyone I meet.

I AM REALLY GOOD AT: 

Picking out song lyrics within every day conversations.

Asking little kids questions that completely baffle them, such as, when they can't reach something, I ask them where their wings are (not cracking a smile).

Being a white girl who thinks she is a black girl on the dance floor.

Giving gifts. Strange gifts.

THE FIRST THING PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME:

I am exceptionally tall for a girl, 5'9"
I laugh a lot, whether it is an appealing laugh or not has yet to be clarified.
I am also part Israeli, and have the nose to prove it.
My skin? This is what I have been told.

FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, SHOWS, and MUSIC:

BOOKS: Bible, East of Eden, Unbroken, Mere Christianity, and My Russian Grandmother and Her American Vacuum Cleaner.

MOVIES: Saving Private Ryan, White Christmas, When Harry Met Sally, The Intouchables, The Loft, and almost any documentary on life in another country.

SHOWS: I am just going to get it out there and say that I really get into The Bachelor and The Bachelorette (I realize 90% of you just threw up). Revenge, Friends, Parenthood, New Girl, The Mindy Project, and anything on the NatGeo or Discovery channel. And of course... Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

MUSIC: Yes, I did see Sisqo open for the Backstreet Boys during their Black and Blue tour. Amos Lee. Ray Lamontagne. The Mowglis. David Grey. Etta James. Johnnyswim. Bing Crosby. Lee Fields. Anything classical or Motown. Can I just copy and paste my entire iTunes account in here?

THE SIX THINGS I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT:

Jesus.
Almonds.
Fall (the season).
Hats.
My cat.
Music.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT:

The fact that we are floating in space. Not kidding. I think about this all the time.

ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM:

Karaoking.

Bubble bathing.

Reading in a coffee shop.

Getting dressed up for a dinner date with friends.

Attempting to salsa dance with men a solid 6+ inches shorter than me.

Or crocheting. Yes.

THE MOST PRIVE THING I AM WILLING TO ADMIT:

I am a virgin, and plan on being one until I am married.

BOOM!

(I literally think from point A. of this profile to this very moment, 98% of you have drifted away.)

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF:

You are a son of the King of Kings.
Live in the greater Portland area.
Don't expect me to pop out 5 kids and start a Dugger sequel.
Aren't looking to just date around.
Have enough chutzpah to be a man, a leader, and stand your ground. (I am not a push over #Detroit)

That my friends is me, in a constrained box. 

Along with your bio, the site has hundreds of questions for you to answer. These questions are what helps determine your match percentage with another site member. Some of the questions are:

How many dates would it take before you would have sex with someone:

1-2

3-4

5-6

After the wedding.

You would put your answer, and what you desire your match to answer. There is also a space at the end of each question where you can explain why you put the answer you did. 

Some of the questions were far less serious, such as:

If a piece of solid food fell on the floor, would you pick it up and eat it:

Yes

Depends on the food

Gross!

The more of these questions you answer, the more accurate matches you will be paired with. On each person's profile, it automatically will show you your Match %, Friend %, and Enemy %. This saves you from wasting time on scowering their questions, or slugging through conversation via messages, just to find out if you could be compatible. 

Based on my answers for most of the questions, and my generalized description of myself, it's safe to say that I am one in a few conservative women on a secular dating site. At first I felt like this experience was pointless, especially after the first day, and not seeing anyone within a 70% match of myself. But, as I opened up my eyes and spirit to the experience, I have found that this is going to prepare me for so much more than just trying to meet a Christian man. This is preparing me for a culture shock that is going to reel through every fiber of my being, when I move to Portland. 

Welcome to the Jungle.

I was recently socializing at a dear friend's bachelorette party, when I discovered that she met her fiance' on a dating website. I was shocked! You see, my friend is a strong woman of God, and her fiance' is her perfect Spirit filled leader. Was it possible to find this depth online?

A friend of hers chimed in, spilling the butterflies and rainbows of her own relationship into the center of our circle. I will let you take one guess as to where their love story began...

Later that very evening, I joined a friend of mine at his pastor's house for a night of football, donuts, and everything else inconceivably unhealthy... minus beer (unfortunately). Half way through the evening I overheard one of the men in the room talking about how he met his WIFE online.

What was happening? Was this a sign? Such a variety of personalities, all of which had a personal relationship with the Lord, finding their Adam's and Eve's in the great big cyber world. Was this the new coffee shop, lingering stares, starting a conversation over a book, love story breeding ground?

With all of that being said, I decided to join a dating website. Yes, it is true. I wouldn't say that I joined with the intentions of finding my soul mate. Moreso, I was curious as to whether there was potential for a healthy relationship to blossom via the internet.

That leads me to this blog.

I am going to chronicle my experiences as a member of a dating website. I am going to be vulnerable. I am going to be humorous. I am going to be honest. Along with my personal tell tales, a select few stories from close friends, joining me on this journey, will be accounted for.

Please note, I am not a professional writer. I can 100% inform you that I don't have a clue as to how I am going to build this blog into anything wonderful. It will be sloppy. It will be a growing experience. And I am elated to share it all with you!